Charlie (a letter to someone)

The day I first saw you I was in deep blue standing in a cornflower yellow kitchen with cracked linoleum. I stared out the small window and you caught my eye beneath that tree next to the rusty swings, throwing a football around with the boys. You were unknown to me but a presence I desperately wanted to feel. You became the substance of all thought, the subject of many a journal entry and heartbroken poetry. I could go back and tell you the date I met you; the first time you remembered my name; the first time you touched me, even ever so briefly.

A higher existence is how I perceived you for so long. It took years to realize you were actually on an equal plane with myself. You were no longer someone completely and utterly out of reach - maybe I, even I myself, could be with you! The years continued to come and go as they do. Girlfriends did the same. And every time I promised myself "He will see me this time. He will notice I am here. He will see me this time..." Every time I promised myself "I will stop noticing him. I will get over him. I will not cry..." And the years continued to come and go as they do.

We became close, we fell away again. It was a game of hot potato - hold on for a moment and it feels warm and safe, but hold on too long and you get burned ... and I kept getting burned. Friends would say "get over it, move on, you can do better anyway" and my head would say "I know, I know" but my heart would say "not yet, there's still a chance". Gradually I came to the conclusion that maybe these friends of mine knew more then my heart did ... why waste my time dreaming over this person who refuses to see me anything other then just another girl?

So this is it. My last entry dedicated to you, finally seeing you (us?) as how it really was, how it really is and how we will always be.

Here is my goodbye.