Charlie (a letter to someone)

The day I first saw you I was in deep blue standing in a cornflower yellow kitchen with cracked linoleum. I stared out the small window and you caught my eye beneath that tree next to the rusty swings, throwing a football around with the boys. You were unknown to me but a presence I desperately wanted to feel. You became the substance of all thought, the subject of many a journal entry and heartbroken poetry. I could go back and tell you the date I met you; the first time you remembered my name; the first time you touched me, even ever so briefly.

A higher existence is how I perceived you for so long. It took years to realize you were actually on an equal plane with myself. You were no longer someone completely and utterly out of reach - maybe I, even I myself, could be with you! The years continued to come and go as they do. Girlfriends did the same. And every time I promised myself "He will see me this time. He will notice I am here. He will see me this time..." Every time I promised myself "I will stop noticing him. I will get over him. I will not cry..." And the years continued to come and go as they do.

We became close, we fell away again. It was a game of hot potato - hold on for a moment and it feels warm and safe, but hold on too long and you get burned ... and I kept getting burned. Friends would say "get over it, move on, you can do better anyway" and my head would say "I know, I know" but my heart would say "not yet, there's still a chance". Gradually I came to the conclusion that maybe these friends of mine knew more then my heart did ... why waste my time dreaming over this person who refuses to see me anything other then just another girl?

So this is it. My last entry dedicated to you, finally seeing you (us?) as how it really was, how it really is and how we will always be.

Here is my goodbye.

Apocalypto

When I was in 5th grade I did a report on the Mayan Indians. I was fascinated with them, in a way that only something disturbing and gruesome can. They were vicious, with human sacrifices, cutting out hearts and slicing off heads for their gods. Jump to last Friday, when I sat myself down to watch the acclaimed Apocalypto. I had heard three main things about this movie - 1. It was incredible. 2. It was disturbing and graphic but incredible. 3. It had subtitles, but you got used to it eventually. (This last comment I always found humorous, being as it was stated by adults who really should have seen at least one, if not two, subtitled movies at a previous point in time, and realize there isn't anything to get used to. But who am I to judge?) So though I was iffy about watching a disturbing movie, I thought I'd give it a chance. For those of you who aren't aware of what the movie is about, there is a small tribe of Mayan Indians living their lives in peaceful harmony. The main character is Jaguar Paw who is a great hunter and also has a wife and small child. One night another tribe attacks, killing and kidnapping at will. Jaguar Paw manages to hide his family but ends up captured. The remainder of the story is his determination to survive and make his way back home to safe his small family.

Yes this movie is incredible. It was filmed in Mexico and the scenery is beautiful. The story is good and you do care about what happens to these people. However, it is also incredibly disturbing. Children are left parent less, people are stabbed and chopped up left and right. There is a point when the captives are being led through dying cornfields Jaguar Paw asks a companion where they are being taken. The companion answers, telling him they hear stories of stone buildings that bleed into the earth, and they are getting closer. At this point I realized this movie was about Mayan Indians and recalled my report many years ago. Yep, there it was, the sacrificial alter right there on my screen. This was the most disturbing for me. I'm not big on blood and gore and there was plenty shown during the sacrifices and then good ol' Mel decided to throw in some more during some chase scenes. This was not enjoyable. It was stressful and I sat watching through my fingers at the screen.

In the end, I could finally sit up straight and stop clutching my blanket. I decided it was worth watching and agree with comment #2 - this movie is disturbing and graphic but incredible. And really, the most important part of the story to me, being a hopeless romantic, was the love story. In the end, love always wins.